Hamlet the Dane
| John Inchingham |
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VERSE 1:
Alas, poor Yorick, I knew him well; And this is his skull—I can tell by the smell. A fanciful fellow of infinite jest, Why wanders he from his rest? Pray, good fool, time now to rest. Oh! Oh! Oh! REFRAIN: All the bones in the Castle of Elsinore Each night, from their graves, are unchained. And it’s my job to fetch them back every morn. ‘Tis I, Hamlet the Dane . . . Woof! Hamlet the Great Dane! Bowr! Rowr! Rowr! VERSE 2: Gertrude, the Queen Mummy, takes long moonlight treks With the rotten remains of ex-Claudius Rex. And they whisper of mousetraps and funeral costs— All the secrets of State, they discuss, With their skeletal kin, Fortinbras. Oh! Oh! Oh! VERSE 3: Take sad Ophelia, that love-crazy chick: Last night she went swimming and lost her coccyx. She said, “Father, please buy a new tailbone for me.” But Polonius balked at the fee. “Neither borrower nor lender be.” Oh! Oh! Oh! VERSE 4: Now, some nobles’ bones have decayed over time: Guildenstern and Rosencranz are missing their spines; And Laertes, it seems, served as some critter’s meal— All that’s left of him’s only a heel. Yes, Laertes is just a heel. Oh! Oh! Oh! VERSE 5: From sunset to sunrise, the bones have a ball But honest Horatio sits in the hall. And he pats on my head and he says, “Hamlet, stay! Sweet Prince must rest while they play. Then the dog will have his day! Oh! Oh! Oh! FINAL COUPLET (following last REFRAIN): For they can’t make their minds up, you see, For to be or not to be! (Exeunt howling.) © 2005 Steve Katlack |
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