Sir Ursus

Maedhbh ní Manainn

I always knew the heavies were a bit strange
But I never really guessed to what extent
And then they went and found a bear with mange
Lying sleeping sound and fast behind a tent

The story goes they weren’t completely sober
And the blows they’d taken really weren’t that light
And so on this evening of October
They chose to turn that bear into a knight

They decided pretty quick to call him Ursus
And shoved a sword and shield into his hands, eh, paws
And there would not be so many verses
If the bear had chose then to use his claws

But you see they also got the bear drunk
And he decided he liked the drink they had
And so he did not throw away this weird junk
Thus Ursus stayed rattan and armor clad

And when they finally brought him to the list field
Ursus proved to be a paragon of might
Not one of them could make it past his great shield
As he knocked combatants down left and right

And now at this point you may be wondering
How the hell no one tried to intercede
Well that’s just the power of the good bling
With a white belt they follow where you lead

Yes, twas knights who had found and armed this drunk bear
So no one else was questioning the sight
They might have thought this newbie had some weird hair
But plenty of them forget to shave, alright?

Well Ursus may have been a one hit wonder
Except for late that night around the fire
One of those knights cried out with voice like thunder
That Ursus Arctos was his brand new squire

He brought Ursus to event after event
Managing so many car rides with some mead-
On the battlefield Ursus would not relent
And thus soon a sergeant he was decreed-

And so it went with months and months of fighting
The name of Ursus earning more renown
Til the king and queen found themselves inviting
A fucking bear to come and compete at crown

On tourney day, Ursus stood tall and ready
With sword and spear enormous in their size
It left all others feeling quite unsteady
And easily did Ursus win the prize

And while some at first were feeling apprehensive
It wasn’t long before Ursus won their hearts
His vocabulary wasn’t that extensive
But no king alive can master all the arts

And truly Pennsic was his crowning glory
Where he led his army standing in the front
Relentless did he seek his every quarry
And the ursine king was favored in his hunt
.
Thus far and wide King Ursus was exalted,
As everyone kept singing of his fame,
But soon the celebrations would be halted
When the BOD heard of this king’s true frame

For there was a man who was known to kill bears
You might recognize him by the name of John
And when the news reached corpora’s upstairs
He declared that soon Ursus would be gone.

But brave Ursus ruled alongside a fair queen
A Pelican who spoke words of silk and steel
Hearing this news she would not stay so serene,
And she bargained for his life with this appeal:

“Turn away, oh Bearkiller, I implore you
Lest I muster all my forces out to war
Cooks, chatelaines and seneschals, all who
Will ruin all your events forevermore

The feasts will all be burnt or nonexistent
The paperwork all lost or set on fire
I assure you, we can be quite persistent
So let alone this great bear we all admire”

Well John was not so foolish as to test her
And so he declared the bear would stay alive
But his pride she did not completely deter
That he would just let King Ursus stay and thrive.-

He and the board met in quick conversation
And within a day they laid out their decree:
The Society was a human nation
Thus banished King Ursus would forever be

With this decree the kingdom was left grieving
That to King Ursus they had to say farewell
But the Chivalry found themselves conceiving
Of one final way in which they could rebel

They took a poll from all across the great realm
And an answer they quickly ascertained.
On that last day while wearing his best helm-
Sir Ursus Rex he proudly was proclaimed.

And now at last you all have heard the story
Of how once a bear a knighthood did obtain
A knight who was in all things laudatory
A king unmatched and beloved in his reign

You may be wondering what happened to him
Well the exile of Sir Ursus still went through
He only took the belt held in his forelimb
Going to the woods, he bid us all ado.

Not one of us has seen him since that sad day
To be a lost and lonely legend is his fate
But for his return we all gladly do pray
For Sir Ursus we forever will await.

This page maintained by Cerian Cantwr, cerian@minstrel.com.