Fire Breathing Cockroach

Cerian Cantwr

Oh, I am a sad and lonely creature.
I’m an outcast in any town.
And despite all of my best intentions,
When I leave a place I’ve burned it down.
Whenever people learn of my presence,
They begin to stomp about and scream.
They should feel what it’s like living my life –
I get heartburn like you’ve never seen.

For I am a fire breathing cockroach.
People call me some names most vile.
It’s so hard to make any friends,
When your exhalation’s volatile.

All the humans, they try to step on me.
Other insects just run and hide.
What I want is to toast some marshmallows
By the light of my bonfire’s side.
I thought that the right introduction
Might save me some trouble and stress.
So I sang out to my next acquaintance –
[Ay, ay, ay, ay – I am a fire breathing cockroach! *sigh*]
Everybody’s a critic I guess.

Life is hard for a fire breathing cockroach,
For no mouthwash can possibly please.
It’s so hard to make any friends -
My halitosis is nine hundred degrees.

Once a village thought there must be a dragon,
From the bonfires I adore.
So they chained up a girl in a white dress.
What did they think I’d want her for?
[Perverts!]
These conflagrations do not start out of malice,
But an allergy to ragweed and hay.
I’m a champion of urban renewal.
Illuminare – I light the way.

It’s hard to be a fire breathing cockroach -
As cruel a trick as fate allows.
It’s so hard to make any friends
When you burn off your own eye brows.

And I look funny with no eye brows.

© 2005 Charles Grab

This page maintained by Cerian Cantwr, cerian@minstrel.com.