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Giant Purple Pretzels from Outer Space


Lyrics: Master Cerian Cantwr            
Music: Golden Vanity


Chorus:
Some are braided, straight, or twisted; some are round and some are wide.
Some are salted, some are sugared, served with mustard on the side.
This satanic snack food sneaks about and hides without a trace.
They’re the giant purple pretzels from outer space.

Verses:
I’ll tell you of a threat to our whole race.
There are evil masterminds behind an innocent face.
They came here bent on conquest from a far off place
They’re the giant purple pretzels from outer space.

The came to this world from a far off star,
These sour doughs intended interstellar war.
But their leader, the high salty, said they should be wise:
To subjugate, first infiltrate – go in disguise.

So they shrank themselves and changed their hue and hid in other snacks.
On a deadly bag of pretzels you had best not turn your back
They captured heads of state and in their likeness pose.
Is your leader just a pretzel with a big false nose?

Take flour, salt, and sugar, and a bit of yeast;
Add eggs and heat and there you have the recipe of the beast.
They’ll prepare the way, then bide their time until the timer’s ding
Then the rise of flour power will be a frightening thing.

So, I hope you heed my warning of this dire threat.
Be vigilant and watch the snacks so we might foil them yet.
Next time you munch a pretzel try and see things from their view,
Or next time you meet a pretzel then it might eat you.


© 2006 Charles Grab





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