Oh, I am a sad and lonely creature.
Iím an outcast in any town.
And despite all of my best intentions,
When I leave a place Iíve burned it down.
Whenever people learn of my presence,
They begin to stomp about and scream.
They should feel what itís like living my life Ė
I get heartburn like youíve never seen.
For I am a fire breathing cockroach.
People call me some names most vile.
Itís so hard to make any friends,
When your exhalationís volatile.
All the humans, they try to step on me.
Other insects just run and hide.
What I want is to toast some marshmallows
By the light of my bonfireís side.
I thought that the right introduction
Might save me some trouble and stress.
So I sang out to my next acquaintance Ė
[Ay, ay, ay, ay Ė I am a fire breathing cockroach! *sigh*]
Everybodyís a critic I guess.
Life is hard for a fire breathing cockroach,
For no mouthwash can possibly please.
Itís so hard to make any friends -
My halitosis is nine hundred degrees.
Once a village thought there must be a dragon,
From the bonfires I adore.
So they chained up a girl in a white dress.
What did they think Iíd want her for?
These conflagrations do not start out of malice,
But an allergy to ragweed and hay.
Iím a champion of urban renewal.
Illuminare Ė I light the way.
Itís hard to be a fire breathing cockroach -
As cruel a trick as fate allows.
Itís so hard to make any friends
When you burn off your own eye brows.
And I look funny with no eye brows.
© 2005 Charles Grab
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